18 Things I Learned From Losing the Love of My Life

Lost The Love Of Your Life?

1. Allow yourself time to grieve.

Losing the love of your life is traumatic and heartbreaking.

There is the expectation that after a couple of cries and some ice cream, you’ll pick yourself up and move on. But in reality, it’s much harder than that.

When you’ve been in love with someone, that attachment doesn’t just disappear when they stop being a part of your life.

To cope with this adjustment, you have to allow yourself to grieve the loss of your relationship and navigate what a world looks like without them by your side.

Pushing those feelings away and pretending you’re over someone too soon is unrealistic, and it will just make the process of truly moving on from them take longer.

Healing from losing someone you love takes time, and it’s good to express your feelings. But the moment this turns to self-indulgence is the moment it becomes unhealthy.

Being reminded of your ex and needing a moment to yourself is very different to purposefully taking out old photos of you together or deliberately wondering where they are or who they’re with.

There comes a point in your grieving process when you begin to find a way out of it. You have to teach yourself to revisit the memories of your ex less and less so that the pain of losing them fades. Grief is a way to work through our emotions, but letting it consume you will only trap you in a dark place.

If you know your relationship is over and you’ve accepted the loss of it, it’s time to take life back into your own hands. You can get over this, and you have the power to be as happy without them as you thought you were with them.

2. Don’t try to keep tabs on your ex.

When you break up with someone you love, it may feel strange that they are out there and yet you have no idea what they’re doing with their life. It can be hard to wrap your head around this concept, especially when you never thought you’d be apart.

The temptation to establish some sort of contact or check up on their social media can be overwhelming, just to feel a closeness with them again.

But this can often cause more harm than good. Social media only shows a snapshot in time and can be staged. You’ll never really know how they’re feeling from a picture or a comment, and seeing them happy somewhere without you will only cause you more pain.

It’s usually when we’re feeling at our most vulnerable that we give in and want to check up on an ex. It’s the worst possible time to see happy pictures that contrast so much with how miserable you’re feeling.

As much as you might not want to cut off ties with someone you love, hiding them on social media or blocking their number for a while could be exactly what you need to help you move on.

The thought of it will seem so strange after being close for so long, but it’s worth doing.

7. Take the time to learn from your relationship.

As much as you think you’ve lost the perfect relationship, there must have been a reason for it to end.

Once the pain dulls and your emotions settle, try to evaluate where it went wrong.

People don’t break up without a reason. If you take the time to really think over your past relationship, was it all as good as it seemed?

Did you argue? Did you get jealous? Were you really happy and comfortable being yourself around your ex or were you trying to be someone you’re not in order to fit with their expectations?

Think about how you behaved toward them and any times where you could have done things differently. Going over past mistakes can help shape your future relationships for the better, and help you come to terms with the fact that what you’ve lost might not have been as perfect as you thought.

When you’ve had to fight to make a relationship work, it can feel harder to let go of it when it finally ends. But a healthy and happy relationship shouldn’t feel like hard work. You may have had an intense and passionate love, but often the calm, solid relationships are what’s best for us long term.

We can only grow from mistakes. This relationship didn’t work out, but you will have a better understanding of yourself for it. If you’d never broken up, you could be trapped in a tumultuous relationship and never get to meet your real soulmate.

Having a bad breakup can help us recognize when we finally find something good, so be hopeful that from this heartache, you’ll find something better.

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