Why “interested” men disappear and what to do about it (a powerful antidote)
So how do you date confidently again after a ghosting?
There are a few habits that you can adopt to help you to not feel so vulnerable and to get your confidence back after you’ve had a man suddenly abandon a relationship.
The first thing is to choose wisely with the men you date. Is he in the habit of developing long term partnerships with the women he dates or has his longest relationship been a few months or less?
Know what you want and date accordingly. Don’t settle for “he might change one day if he loves me enough”.
Always remember that men who say they are not looking for commitment mean it. If short term is a deal breaker for you, don’t even go there.
The second thing is to be mindful of where the relationship actually stands and not get wrapped up with where you can see it going in the future.
This prevents you from falling head over heels into your fantasy and it keeps you in the present moment.
Because in a healthy relationship, this is where your guy’s head is at. He isn’t three steps ahead imagining white picket fences and what your children will look like.
He’s simply enjoying his fourth date with the girl he’s getting to know.
The third thing you want to keep in mind is that it is your own responsibility to decide when you can handle the vulnerability of being physical in a new relationship.
Making out and sex should be allowed to happen naturally and not be attached to a lot of rules that make you feel safer about doing them.
If you feel like you’re going to fall apart if you get physical and then he never calls you back, then you owe it to yourself to do a little more work on your ability to handle the situation if it happens.
And finally, if you want your man to be honest and forthright with you, you’re going to want to be a woman that a man can tell anything to.
If you’re having a deep and revealing conversation and your man confides in you that he cheated on his ex girlfriend, your reaction matters.
If you are outraged and demand to know if he’s seeing someone else while he’s dating you and you’re crying and making it about you, what do you think is going to happen the next time he wants to be real and honest with you?
He’s going to think twice about it. And he’ll be tempted to lie or not tell you. Now, it is 100% up to the character of the man himself what he actually does do. You are not forcing him to lie.
Your chances of him telling you the truth drastically increase if he knows that you are a safe person to share things with.
The conversation must be about the two of you handling whatever he tells you together as the team you hope to one day become. Listen fully, and with an open mind and heart.
Let it be about you being there for him when he’s in a vulnerable position. Do not let it be all about your feelings and reactions.
The last thing I want to mention is to be aware of your communication process. We use texting far too often to form the foundation of our new relationships and it’s like building a house out of straw.
Always remember that just because you can text him, it does not mean that you should. Do not make your boredom his responsibility. Try to have respect for his time.
Make your conversations something he will want to be part of.
If you’re chatting on the phone, be conscious of whether he is politely humoring you or if he is actively involved in the conversation.
Make clear ahead of time how long the two of you will be on the phone and stick to the time limit.
You’d be surprised at how much this helps someone to want to pick up the phone when you call.
What You Can Do About It
If you are looking for a serious relationship, the best thing you can do early on with a new suitor is to get an idea of his dating history. Gently prod into how many serious relationships he’s had, how long they lasted, and what was the cause of the end of them.
This is murky water to wade into, so proceed with this conversation when it feels natural. Avoid peppering him with too many questions. Instead, make it a conversation, where you share a bit about your own past relationships as well.
And make it clear from the start that you’re looking for a potential long-term partner. If you’re dating online, mention it in your profile so you filter out guys who only want a one-night stand.
Just because he’s dating casually doesn’t mean that you need to stop seeing him. It just means that you want to be very aware of what his goals in terms of dating are, and don’t invest too much energy and emotion in him unless he starts investing it in you.
The reality of dating and finding love is that the vast majority of the men you meet won’t be right for you. And sometimes you’ll meet someone that you really like but they’re not interested in you. Incompatibility happens.
So if he acted like he was interested and then disappears, it might be because he’s realized that the two of you don’t belong together.
He might ghost because he doesn’t want to face the music and come clean that you’re not right for him (and vice versa). It takes balls to have that conversation.
Or he might not feel like you’ve been dating long enough to really warrant a legit break up. Maybe he thinks if you’ve only gone out once or twice, he doesn’t owe you an explanation.
Sure, it would be common courtesy, but ya know…not everybody is brave enough to tell a woman he’s not feeling it.
Sometimes this happens in life and in dating. It’s part of the process. Think about it: if you’re looking for The One, that indicates that there are lots of others who are not the one! If it were easy to find the one true love of your life, I would be out of a job!
7 Things To Do When A Guy Acts Interested Then Backs Off
Do guys act distant when they like a girl? Yes. But other factors also contribute to his hot-and-cold behavior. The feeling of being liked and heard is wonderful. However, the confusion and internal chaos of when a guy acts interested but then backs off can be irritating to the point you feel like pulling your hair out. Before you declare yourself unworthy of love, here are 7 things to do when a guy acts interested then backs off: