We Asked 20 Women: What’s your idea of the perfect first message on a dating app?

I would recommend starting out with a simple greeting telling the person hello, ask them how they are, and/or tell them your name. You may also want to say something that you found interesting about their profile. For example: “Hi there, my name is Tori and I see that we have the same taste in music!”

Online Dating First Message Tips – Very Important!

Thing That Shows You Read Their Profile

This is a MUST. One of the most annoying things that turns people off with online dating is when you message them without reading their profile. It makes them feel like you don’t care enough to take the time to read what they’ve prepared or you’re just out sending mass messages which if you’ve read our blog on first message mistakes, you know is a huge no-no.

Take the time to read their profile and make sure they are someone you are interested in. We’ve even seen some people put things in their profile that they ask you to say to prove you read it. For example, “Put the word orange in your subject message to let me know you read my profile.” If you don’t do this, you’re getting ignored even if you have the best first dating message ever.

Look for something that you think is cool or that you like or have in common.

“I liked your picture at ________.”

“I think it’s awesome that you are involved with _______.”

“I’ve never met a ________ before.”

These are just a few examples, but you’re probably getting the idea. It’s okay to compliment slightly here, but don’t go overboard or you may start to seem desperate. Something like “OMG I love that you volunteer with dogs. I always knew my future wife would be into dogs,” is probably a little over the top. Also, try and stay away from complimenting them physically. This goes for men and women. Unless you’re just looking for a fling, this is not the right foot you want to start your dating journey on. Let them know you care more than just about how they look.

Follow this up with something about you that is interesting. It’s best if it relates to the thing that you mentioned in their profile. “Hey! I see that you like dogs. I love rocket ships…” just doesn’t have the same effect. Try your best to find some commonalities between you two and use that to your advantage.

Remember, this is not the time to brag because you will come across pretty terribly. Just tell them something interesting that relates to what you saw that you liked about them.

This part is a lot more important than it might seem. Some people aren’t the best at conversation, especially with complete strangers. So, it’s nice if you give them an easy way to respond and keep the conversation going. This is why we like to ask questions that are open-ended and easy to respond to.

Open-ended means that the answer is not easily a one-word answer. Yes, in our first example you could technically answer yes or no to whether you had dogs forever, but most people are going to give you a lot more than that. If you ask them a question like what is your favorite color or what is your favorite food, it doesn’t really open up the conversation. They’ll usually just answer the question and then it’s awkward for you to figure out how to respond.

You: Hey! I love that you like to volunteer with dogs. I have a terrier named Rocket who is my best friend. What’s your favorite kind of dog?

Them: Thanks. Shitzus, u?

You: Terriers.

This is why you want to avoid questions like this. You don’t need to ask them to tell you their whole life story, but at least make things easy for them to respond. On that note, don’t ask complicated or super deep questions. Here’s a TERRIBLE example:

Hey! I love that you like to volunteer with dogs. I have a terrier named Rocket who is my best friend. What are your thoughts on kill shelters for dogs?

While you may or may not care about the answer to this question, this is way too heavy of a topic to lead off with. Keep things light, and there will always be time to talk about deeper topics like this later…much later.

So, remember, this is the formula:

Greeting + Thing that shows you read their profile + Something About You + Open ended question = Perfect first dating message

Keep it simple and let the conversation happen. You’ll be surprised at the results that you’ll get if follow this to a T.

The Simple Solution of What to Say In Your First Message

There are a million ways to skin a cat…That’s a cheesy phrase that some people say (mostly people in the military) that just means there are a lot of different methods that can work and accomplish the same job. Yes, there are a ton of different first messages that you can send that will work great, but we want to give you a foolproof formula to get it done right.

Here’s the formula:

Greeting + Thing that shows you read their profile + Something About You + Open ended question = Perfect first dating message

Here’s an example and then we will break it down piece by piece.

Hey! I love that you like to volunteer with dogs. I have a terrier named Rocket who is my best friend. Have you always had dogs?

That is a PERFECT first message. It shows that you’re friendly, actually read through their profile, a little bit about yourself, and gives them an easy way to continue the conversation. Let’s break this down piece by piece.

This is the easy part! All you have to do is say hi. We do recommend that you stick with ‘Hi’ or ‘Hey’ and don’t say ‘Sup’ or ‘Yo wud up mama’ or something like that. You can use an exclamation point if you’d like, but it’s not necessary. We like it because it leads off with some nice energy and shows you’re a lively person. It takes it away from seeming like a business-type email and makes it a bit more playful.

best first messages online dating?

Breaking the ice is hard anytime but when you’re sending online dating messages, it can feel impossible. Most of the time you have so little to go on—just a few photos, or maybe a short description about someone—so it can be hard to come up with something worthwhile to say. Other times, you’re busy trying to introduce yourself to a lot of people at once, so it’s hard to put together a perfectly crafted message for every single person. To help inspire your own messages and to give you a place to start, we put together a few online dating first message examples you can pick and choose from.


What should I say in my first message when dating?

Your first message should make a simple introduction, express your interest in her profile, ask one or two long-game questions about things you share in common, and then simply sign-off with your name. A couple lines, or a paragraph or two is great.

What do you say in an online dating message example?

Just as you would introduce yourself to someone in real life, start with a form of “hello” and the short version of why you’re reaching out. Hey there, stranger, wanna become acquaintances? Bonjour/Ciao/Hola, I see you’re free to travel the world, but are you free to chat? Hello, it’s nice to virtually meet you!

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